Was God Born Upon A Thought?- Satire
Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2010
by Ella Camp
It took thousands of years to produce it; it took centuries to refine it- the concept we know as "GOD." Ethereal, mysterious, unknowable- yet "There", how did it arise?
On a raw, pristine terrain; in a Neanderthal-esque time, was it born upon a thought?
Early man may have stumbled upon the concept of God quite by accident. They probably found themselves, in times of dire distress and extreme danger, which for them was most of the time, instinctively pleading for help from something or someone, and began to realize that sometimes this pleading actually worked- the things they pled for did happen. "What was this THING?" they may have wondered. They all probably experienced it to some degree, but since communication was then at an all- time low, they had no way to compare notes. Each one may have thought he was the only one with this ability. So everybody had an idea this THING existed, but they all had to keep it to themselves. Each may have thought he was someone special- a cut above the rest. Self- respect was born.
Before long everybody was running around worshiping all kinds of things. This caused more confusion and chaos than ever before. People trying to drag other people over to their rock or tree- other people trying to capture live animals or spending large amounts of time gazing at the moon, or going blind gazing at the sun.
These things were beginning to take too much time away from the business at hand: obtaining food, shelter and reproducing themselves. Too many people were spending too much time pleading to the THING to help save them from animal attacks, from freezing to death, bring good crops and miraculously reproduce themselves. In short- they thought they had found a way out of working for a living. Consequently, a lot of people started dying off- freezing to death, starving to death and being killed by wild animals.
There are always a few who are running down the path a little faster than the rest. These few began to develop the idea of exploiting this new rage for the THING for their own benefit. Besides, something had to be done about it- it was getting out of hand. The few enlightened ones sought to capture the THING by incorporating all the THINGS into one symbol. They would make unto themselves a figure from the clay of the earth to represent everything in one form. They would then embody the magic of the THING inside the figure by telling everyone to gaze at it while thinking all the pleading thoughts. This was declared to be the only place where the thing resided. Of course there always being a few malcontents in every group, this one was no exception. These few demanded that their own personal symbols, for their own personal pleadings, be added to the symbol of the main god. Since these few happened to be the biggest and strongest, possessing the biggest huts and the most rocks, sticks and flint- made axes in the village, they soon got their way. More and more of the lesser gods were added to the growing roster. Organized religion and worship were born.
A special place had to be provided to shelter the idols. The enlightened ones would take over the protection of the THING. After all, they had captured it. The idols were guarded day and night by these keepers. The people brought offerings to their gods- the finest of the animals they slew, the best fruit of the crops they grew. The temple was born. The keepers, who had gained their positions because of their wisdom and longevity, were the oldest members of the tribe. Their believability stemmed from the fact that they had managed to stay alive much longer than anybody else. It was reasoned that they must know more about the THING than the rest of them, and since they knew how to make it work better for themselves, maybe they could make it work better for them all. Priests were born. Of course they hadn't considered the fact that these keepers were not required to hunt wild animals to keep from starving to death, nor were they in constant danger of freezing to death, being sequestered inside the temple 24/7. But having the priests conduct all the pleading thoughts for them, did afford everyone else more time to develop their survival skills. and more time for reproducing themselves.
In order to reinforce the belief that they were superior beings deserving of their lofty positions, the priests had to continually come up with new mumbo- jumbo, which had about the same success as any other mumbo- jumbo: 50/50. The government job was born.
And a cushy job it was. Food, shelter, protection, and what few comforts were to be had then were provided for the keepers without them having to lift a finger. Albeit the best job around at the time; it was a lonely job. Nobody was allowed inside the sanctuary except the priests, who were responsible for the safety and preservation of the idols. With nothing to do all day except eat, sleep and guard the idols, boredom soon set in.
In the natural order of things some of the priests began to die off. Concern over who among them would be worthy enough to replace them became a problem for the people- an opportunity for the priests. They put out a call for the healthiest, fairest, most mild- mannered of the young boys in the village, (which must have been a stretch back then,) to be brought to the temple to be trained to take their place when the time came. Only males were deemed strong and courageous enough to guard the idols. The females had to be kept in reserve in order for the men to reproduce themselves.
One of the first things the new recruits were taught was- "what happens in the temple, stays in the temple." The secret society was born. For some of the healthy young boys chosen to take over the priesthood, living within the confines of the temple presented new problems. They quickly set about trying to improve their lot. After a violent storm destroyed the crops, flattened the village and killed a lot of people, causing great weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, the idea of upping the ante on the offerings quickly occurred to them. But first the people must be made to see themselves as to blame for the disaster. They mustn't be given time to consider that the priests had failed in their duties. Damage control was born. The THING, which was now being called GOD, was said to be angry. "The offerings had been, of late, paltry and inferior." "And because of this, God had destroyed the village and abandoned the people." A new and better idol must be made of the precious gold metal that some of them had been melting down to make adornments for the virgins they were saving to reproduce themselves. A bigger and stronger temple must be built to house the new idol, and all the lesser gods. Each person must give a larger portion of their crops and goods to the temple. Tithing was born.
The most valuable goods the people had to offer were the young, nubile virgins they were saving to reproduce themselves. Sacrifices must be made. The fairest virgins were to be kept inside the safety of the temple, in case God became angry again. The vestal virgin was born.
The next years crops were abundant, the village was rebuilt, all was well. -50/50.
To keep pace with the continually growing population of the gods, the sacrifices became more numerous, the offerings bigger and more frequent. The people no longer worked only to survive, they now worked to appease the gods. The priests were the only thing standing between them and the anger of the gods. They didn't want to imagine what would happen if they all became angry at once! Fear of God was born.
During the ensuing centuries, it was decided that having all those gods was too confusing- better to have only one omnipotent God in charge of everything. There doesn't seem to have been much innovative thought since then.
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More commentsRight on. The priests have been describing the Ineffable for thousands of years, and standing in between the lowly commoner and "access to the Most High". However the ancient peoples, when they were just hunters and gatherers had a very strongly felt spiritual heritage. In ridiculing the system, you cannot forget that humanity has a deep spiritual nature that seeks expression and fulfillment. I do not pretend to have a special connection, but I do know that the reason all of this history and abuse exist is not because some clever ecclesiastical heritage pulled the wool over the eyes of "dumb ones", they rather manipulate mankind because we have a questing spiritual nature, and it quests, day and night, seeking the light from the unknown. That is why mankind is so vulnerable. You must also remember that politicians and tax assessors have as much to do with the success of the priesthood, as any clever dogma or institutionally created "Fear of God". Article is well done. Well thought out. Organized well and stating what many feel and are sure they know.
Warp it!!This article is fantastic. This should be in college literary books.It's like possessing an empty box and giving it 24/7 security and protection. There will come a time when people will wonder what it is that the "keeper" finds so important in the box, and they will curiously question. Then if the beholder of the box has a sales pitch, he/she will have others believing that a phenomenon is within the bowels of the box. And although no one has seen the inside of the box they too will believe in it just because they are "sold" on the keepers passion of the contents(?).It's like that with God. All it took was "empty promises" from a few people with the ability and power to persuade, and the rest of the "sheep" believed and practiced as the "keepers" practiced and instructed, similar to the person who looks up at the sky and points, and before long there's a crowd standing around looking and pointing at..........."nothing."Psychologist call it Group Think.Very well written!!!!Thank you so much for your comment- glad I finally wrote something that you maybe agree with, a little bit around the edges-LOL--Always- Ella
Thanks for the article. I believe, however, that God was found within before it was determined to be a "thing".Yes Jack, but it's called energy. Who can prove it's God that's within? NO ONE KNOWS who, what, where, when, why, or how energy exist, and surely NO ONE has a right to say energy exist because "they believe" God(s) made it so.Have you read much satire?
Ella,Your article was lots of fun! You have a great imagination...I think you should publish this story.
Well, Ella, aren't you the clever one!Nicely written article, and quite revealing of the workings of that mind of yours. An excellent commetary on religion, and quite funny. But, as Carol stated, it was "wickedly" clever. And because of that you must pay penance. Of course, I will only be able to discuss the terms of your atonement after you have made a confession and full discosure of all your vile sins.... heheheGod bless you,MarkI confess! I confess!- I'll confess to anything if you just won't turn that big wooden wheel again! Thanks for the somewhat backhanded compliment-" Wicked?" Do you see boogymen, or women, as the case may be, in your closet too? What you see of the workings of my mind, is one little corner I allowed you to see:) Thanks so much for commenting- This is fun! LOL- Always- Ella
It's refreshing to laugh at ourselves instead of taking everything so seriously! Great job and I'll bet you had fun writing it. Self awareness is said to have begun about 20,000 years ago, and I'll bet that at 20,000 years and one day, God was invented!
Best............eGod wasn't invented dear- God was already there. Man "discovered" God. Then down through the ages man tried to make God in their own image- they still do. Men placed on God a coat of many colors, human colors- anger, jealously, vengence etc., and try to force God to wear it. It doesn't fit. Rather than striving to rise to Gods level, they thought to bring God down to theirs. What is frustrating about this is that in this age we now live in, with opportunities and past experiences to learn by, so many still continue to live their lives by the mistaken and unlearned ideas of the ancient past. It shows a lack of desire or initiative on some people's part, to progress forward in their thinking. I would suppose that is caused by fear- fear that their own mind is not adept enough to understand or figure things out as well as someone who lived thousands of years ago,and didn't have 1/10th of the information and experiences that we have now. Doesn't make much sense to me. Thanks for reading the article- It was fun to write- I enjoy satire.--Always-EllaLoved your words here, God wasn't invented
"God was already there. Man discovered God'. Enjoyed your wise words Ella.
Steve
Interesting and humorous article. Lots to think about. Thanks for sharing. Linda D
Ella, I firmly believe that G-d has a sense of humour...after all, I get up every morning and have to look into the mirror! Seriously though, good article.Rich
"What happens in the temple, stays in the temple" Did all this take place in Las Vegas???
Very ingenious Ella!
Nice.
Steve
Nice thoughts Ella! I would just like to state a quote from the Upanishads (maybe you have heard of it) which I have mentioned in one of my articles too. This oldest scripture of earth states that everything comes from the "Whole". Even if you remove a fraction from that "Whole", it will still remain the "Whole". Nice article!
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