Heads I Win; Tails You Lose
Posted: Sunday, June 20, 2010
by Ella Camp
Everything in life is a two-sided coin which we are constantly tossing, and even in winning, we always lose. The coin toss of love may be adequately described as an oxymoron- we can't live without it; and we can't live with it.
Being in love for the first time turns one's life upside down and inside out. It is likened to magic- a mysterious force that superimposes itself over our former existence; coloring life with uncommon, atypical hues. It's a journey back to our pristine primal self; a self which has no history to guide and influence it's thoughts and emotions- a time when everything was new untried firsts. Without that historical barometer of experience to whisper words of wisdom in our ears, we're drawn magnetically toward the fulfillment of that irresistible demand as instinctively as the impulse of migrating Lemmings; blindly ignoring our survival instincts.
Upon ingestion of a full-course satisfying meal, the body begins to act in a divergent manner- the ignition of digestion extracting energy from every cell. This process renders the body to a state of weakened somnolence, until which time it begins to release new energy from the fuel of food.
The like process is duplicated by the initial exhilaration of love. We allow our physical wants and needs to go abeggin' in our intense pursuit of this bountiful feast for our soul.
Some would separate infatuation from love, delegating a complete difference to them; when in fact, infatuation is but the first level to the entrance of love, and therefore an integral part of its beginning. It signals our intent to attempt the possibility of love with a particular person.
Within infatuation we find and add the basically important ingredient of sexual attraction. The realization and confirmation of our sexual compatibility encourages our impetus toward further discovery of mutual commonalities. Infatuation is an essential preparatory state in the progression to love. It may be compared to the mouth-watering anticipation we experience when the aroma of roasting turkey wafts through the house on Thanksgiving Day; stimulating the appetite for the enhancement of the actual feast. As the enjoyment and satisfaction of the diners may be destroyed by the bickering of the dinner guests, so may the natural impulsive flow of infatuation into the fullness of love, be destroyed by our own bickering inability to accept each others human frailties.
Our ability to be in love is dependent on our ability to pose no conditions on our willingness to accept that person. Without that capability to accept, the experience is usually aborted at the gates of infatuation.
In the exhilarating crossing from infatuation to love, we enter a focused environment. We describe the entrance to this frightening and rarified realm as "falling in" and the price we pay for this entrance is the surrender of our feelings- the lowering of the naturally accumulated barriers to our inner selves. Losing this self-protection requires tremendous trust, for we become as exposed as a mollusk without its shell- vulnerable to the abrasions of every grain of sand; which engenders feelings of helplessness. This, then, is the other side of that brightly observed coin; whereby in winning the toss, we consume the joys, rewards and fulfillment of love, yet also gain the entailment of the pain, suffering and possible disillusionment inherent within it.
These side-effects of love will be as intrusive and destructive to our new and fragile soul's delight as are our innate weaknesses and fears.
One consumed with self-doubt, anger, mistrust and fears of rejection, will project those negative emotions into the warmth and joy of the circle surrounding the love experience. These negative feelings can, if not recognized and removed, poison and consume the inner core of that circle.
Failure in the responsibility for the maintenance of our own self-awareness, self-love and acceptance, can render us unfit for, and unable to obtain this most valuable provender for our soul. Reams of stories, poetry and song have been written in an attempt to comprehend the meaning of this abstraction we call love which significantly affects the condition of our lives.
Experience imparts knowledge, and from our failed attempts to claim this mercurial, universally coveted prize, we gain the power of knowledge; a knowledge we will employ in our future endeavors to successfully navigate the treacherous rapids of love. To hesitate in fear of this venture, is to fiddle while Rome burns; for time is our enemy, and capitulation is not an option. The attainment of love is our extrinsic, inborn human destiny- no matter the pitfalls and obstacles, we will persevere. In victory, as we hold the golden statue of our triumph, we are visited by the "sadness," which asks: "Is that all there is?" It is in the heart-pounding, breath-stopping chase and promise of conquest that we are most energized and alive.
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More commentsVery well written and so true Ella.Although it hasn't happened in quite some time, I still do believe in love. I'm willing to surrender myself again to someone who understands and respects it.Hello there stranger! Happy to see you again- I'm always interested in reading your HONEST comments- Thank you so much Kenny, and do come back- Always- Ella"SURRENDER DOROTHY", sky written by flying monkeys; sigh, so romantic!Keep that bucket of water away from me!!
A meal of roasted turkey or a human sacrifice on a spit?We are invited to bring the cranberry sauce!A vamp aphrodite engorged!MMMMMMPPPPP!!!!One of your better piecesThank you for a sated intellectual romp in the hay, chewed and well digested!PaulWell, at least you're consistent Paul- a leopard truely cannot change his spots- you always do it your way- I respect that. You know that everything I say, I say with love, my dear friend- Thank you- Always- EllaYou forgot to connect the leopard dots!I didn't forget- I never forget anything- Maybe I didn't want to see the picture connecting them would reveal-
My love "fuse" has burned out. It's kind of a relief.That's what happens when you burn your fuse at both ends- Rather than curse the darkness- buy a candle-At my age I get excited if the soup is hot!Getting excited about something as mundane as hot soup indicates a relinquishing of anything greater-You cannot blame age- I've seen people at the age of 80 get excited about love. They appreciate hot soup, but that appreciation does not extend to excitment- that emotion is being used elsewhere.
Always incredible! You leave me speechless. OK, almost speechless. However, along with your commenting crowd, sometimes there is nothing more that could be said, this is one of those times...so I wont.Awww- you could probably think of something, if you tried- starting with your name... I thank you- whoever you are-
It's tough to abort the experience at the gates of infatuation when you so badly want a taste of the mouth-watering turkey dinner, but some things are not meant to be. You're never so vulnerable as when claiming your love for someone. It puts a lot of power in someone else's hands. Very interesting article Ella, as always.There are some who cannot bear to be controlled by anything or anyone- who would take that power back.This somewhat hinders the surrender that love demands.It would seem we are simpatico- Thanks Brianna- always glad to see you-
ella, you are probing a very complex issue-you have more sense than i. to me it is best to keep simple; two people can't live without each other and, everything orbits around that desire.I do not have more sense than you- we all use different methods to express our "sense"- If simplicity works best for you, then that's what you should use- Thanks so much Bing-
And some day maybe our culture will learn that love in not just the warm fuzzies but it is a commitment....true love is anyhow. thanks for sharing this piece with us! I will be back soon!Thanks Marijo- commitment doesn't engender love- love engenders commitment- the "warm fuzzies" must be there before the commitment can be made- Glad to see you again- hurry back soon! Always- Ella
Enjoyed your article Ella--important topic and nteresting views on it--thanks for writing it.SteveHi Steve- Thanks so much for stopping by and reading- Always glad to see you- Always- Ella
Yes you are so right, love is the soul source of satisfaction. Thank you.You are more than welcome Michael- Do come back- Always- Ella
This article was written with depth. I know someone who needs to read it and get a perspective. You tell it so well. Thank you.Thank you so much- so glad you liked it.- Always- Ella
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