Chasing the Illusive Dream- A Valiant Effort
Posted: Friday, November 26, 2010
by Ella Camp
I told myself when I awakened- "I will not cry today; instead, today I will laugh- laugh heartily."
I grow weary of the defeat and hopelessness these searing tears release; and ignite in me afresh, new waves of anguish to crash upon the embattled shores of my soul.
I'll whistle in the dark- and preface I will sing aloud. I'll withdraw in indignation, and let the ever illusive dream rest awhile with me. Perchance in that reclining- some pain will melt away- no, I will not cry today.
Those weak-laid courses must needs be reinforced- with the sturdy clay of derisive cynicism at the life that slings these wounding arrows- a clay which seems the best to hold; as it dries quickly, with barbed tenacity, within the tender vulnerable niches of the heart.
Yet, there lies unseen danger in the employment of this binding force- for when the inevitable time does come, that these sturdy unyielding walls, built in dispirited days of crisis- must be breached- the strength and solidity of this bond will be my greatest foe.
But free myself I must, from this self-made fortress; for to abide too long behind is to deny my spirit the nourishment that lies without. Life does sound its clarion trumpet- and bid me take up the chase once more- of that illusive dream that I know to be my inescapable, unavoidable destiny.
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)Sometimes it's not the winning of the prize, but the actual striving for it, that makes the journey worthwhile. I know I've experienced several disappointments in my life, but I would have lost out on so much had I never tried. Thanks for sharing this with us, Ella.Disappointments can make us stronger- or defeat us- I choose the strength- Thanks Danny- Always- Ella
I know it's hard - and I'm aware how inadequate that word is - to let yourself feel pain when it seems endless, but I don't think it is endless, Ella, and I'd hope for you that you'd let yourself cry, only not alone."Laugh, and the world laughs with you- cry, and you cry alone," Unless you happen to write on SearchWarp- LOL- I feel your support Jenn- Thank you- Always- Ella
You know what Ella? These last three months of my life have been very hard especially, when I tried pushing things from my end. But finally, I realized nothing was going to work when they are not meant to be. There is no point chasing anything in life meaninglessly and endlessly. Sometimes, you just have to connect with the inner peace, that's endless and ever new. It never dries out. Once you connect with that deep inner peace which is infinite, and let yourself go with the flow, everything just seems to be moving fine and peaceful. It's amazing that you shared it, and I was feeling that I must not resist change, and just let myself loose and express boldly what I want to express. I have found greater happiness and peace now.I feel a great peaceful happiness....... and hope- when someone says the have found peace and happiness- Thank you for that gift- Always- Ella
I pray that you have a group of friends (loving, live, touchy, types of people) that you can go to and cry your heart out until you can't cry anymore, until you surrender. The point of surrender is the beginning not the end. Sounds like you might be there. You are in my prayers.Thank you Linda- for your compassionate attention- In your prayers is a fortunate place for me to be- thank you for allowing me there- Always- Ella........You know that song "Cry me a River?" I'm well past the river, and now into the Atlantic!- Ha ha ha- no wonder my doctor said I was dehydrated!
I know not why you cry, but with it comes a drying eye, and all the things shall spring anew, as with you they always do.
To think that you should cry alone, I feel that I must make it known, I'm always just a call away, at any time, of any day.
So be strong yellow rose, your blooms held high as the strong wind blows, and know that you're beauty never dies, only the fear of what ahead lyes.
Peace, and happiness. You deserve it.You somehow have the ability to make me feel my strong and confident best- I'm blessed by this invaluable gift from you......a gift I've always needed- but never found...........until now....Thank you David- Always- Ella
Ella, this is a powerful statement of the internal battle we all undergo at some time. How long do we fight against our own emotions, huddled deep behind the walls we have built to protect our hearts from the painful arrows of loss, doubt, hurt and rejection? And how, if the walls are well built, it is not easy or simple to finally bring them down and allow life, and love, to re-enter. Thanks for writing this. I was touched by the power of its emotions.Your acute clarity of perception and comprehension is gratifying to me - Thank you so much- Always- Ella
This was beautifully written Ella. I think many can relate. We're all fighting inner demons, disappointments, loss and heartache. We keep it inside because we think others don't want to hear it. It's so much easier to smile and share a laugh. But when we finally reveal our innermost feelings, as you have, we usually find there's someone there for us who understands and cares, as you've found with the comments your article has received. I hope you find that place of inner peace. - Brianna-Thanks Brianna- I'm reminded of your article on aging. I think that a lot of the reasons why we seem to cry a lot at this time in our lives is- that we are in mourning- in mourning for our past lost selves- selves we know we'll never be again........so we mourn our loss of them- I suppose we must- I appreciate your support- Always- Ella
Good article with some very fine points, thanks for sharing Ella
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